…Mishpacha…
…A Woven Tapestry or a Patch-Work Quilt…
Today, Thursday, September 27,
2012, we lay another of our family to rest. September 2012 has been hard on my family, we’ve
sent Allan and Neal into the hands of Elohim, and we all have struggled to make
sense of it all. Yet, what comes out of
all this loss will hopefully be a tighter net of family, woven together by
adversity and tragedy. I hope you’ll let me explain…
What is “Mishpacha”
you ask? “Mishpacha” is the Hebrew word for family. Here in the west we have almost forgotten
what it means to be a family; we are the mobile generations, spread out across
the great expanse of America, separated by time, distance and
circumstances. We are all related to
those in our family, sons, daughters, in-laws, mothers, fathers, sisters,
brothers; aunts, uncles, grandparents; cousins, nephews and nieces…. What do we really know of one another? Those three factors- time, distance and circumstances- have truly
robbed us of the experience of family, the closeness that should have been,
till we find ourselves reduced to a facebook® post or two; and that is what we
know of each other. I speak only for
myself, not putting anything upon anyone else… But this is what my family
relationships have been reduced too, to my shame and sorrow.
To the Jew,
what is “Mishpacha” ? First and foremost it is “kavod”, it is “kavanah”. The two words mean respectfully “honor” and “intent”. If we are to look at a family, as a unit,
what must first be evident in the relations we see? Most would subscribe to the notion of “love”,
that families must love one another… While this is true, love does not come
without “kavod”, without honor.
What is honor?
In our world today it is as if nothing is sacred anymore; it seems that there
is nothing that cannot be bought, that
even what the world holds to as “honor” comes with a price tag attached. Yet at
the heart of the word “kavod” the true definition of what honor really is comes
through: it is the attaching of weight to a person, place or thing – in other
words, substance and meaning. Honor brings forth kvod Shamayim or the glory of Heaven.
Debbie Greenblatt describes it thus:
“…In a society in which nothing is sacrosanct and honor can be
bought for a price, it is no wonder that we have some confusion over the
definition of kavod
(honor). Even our Torah sources need to be illuminated if we are to
grasp the role of kavod
in our lives and relationships. We learn that if you chase kavod, it runs away
from you. Conversely, if you run away from kavod, it will chase you. Should we be
running towards or running away? Do we want to be caught or not? We learn in Pirkei Avos
(4:28) that jealousy, physical desire, and honor remove a person from the
world. That makes honor seem like something we would want to stay away from. At
the same time, the Navi
(Yeshayahu
43:7) tells us that everything that the One Above created was created for His kavod.
That certainly sounds positive. Let’s try to understand the concept of kvod Shamayim,
honor of Heaven, as a key to clarifying the above-mentioned sources. Our
Creator created a world in which His presence is hidden. Through our actions,
we attempt to demonstrate that He is always here, that what is hidden not only
exists, but also constitutes the true reality. Kavod, then,
reveals what is hidden beneath the surface, and allows us to respond to the
inner, truer dimension of existence. Finding that inner dimension in each
aspect of Creation, and in every interaction with another person, is the way we
indicate kvod
Shamayim…”
[1]
It
takes too long to explain it here, but the much maligned “10 Commandments”
explain kavod in a way I never could, for truly they are what should be called
the “10 Realities” for in them are laid out the way to honor, the way to solve
all the problems we face in the world today; in them is kvod Shamayim revealed. Why is
this important to us today?
Honor
is seldom taught or understood in our culture today. Ironically, it is the very
solution to some of our greatest hurts and needs. God has said that if
children learn to give honor to their parents, their life will be good (the
same root word is used when God created and it was "good"). In
Hebrew this is a powerful concept. The Hebrew word for honor "Kavod", literally means heavy.
To the modern reader this might not make sense, until we realize that in the
ancient times, the Jews bought and sold by weight. Even their money, the
shekel, was based on weight. We live in a world where relationships are often
based on feelings. When we say that we love someone, we are usually talking
about a feeling. But the Biblical concept of love is based on the value of the
object of our love. The feeling may follow the value but honor is much
more than a feeling. Value changes your
actions.
How
does value change our actions? Great value changes everything. This is a
basic precept of God's Kingdom. The
Bible says in Matthew 13:44 - 46 that... “Again, the kingdom of heaven is
like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it
he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. Again the
kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had
found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.” (NKJV)
There
exists a way to see the concepts written of in the Hebrew language, by looking
at the ancient Paleo-Hebraic script used by Moses when He wrote down the words
Elohim had given him…
If
you have experienced honor from someone who sees and treats you as heavy with
value, even for a moment, you will know what I mean. The Hebrew word picture
for Honor agrees with the Bible about the impact of honor in our life. When we
are valued we open our heart and soul. It is then we begin to see the picture
of our lives as a family being woven as a tapestry is woven. Yet, picture a
tapestry if you will… At it’s simplest, a tapestry is a work of art, portraying
a scene, something for decoration or adoration.
While beautiful to look at, it reveals no depth, no true warmth.
A family is more than a woven image. We love
images in America, we adore our politicians, the actors, the “gangsta”, the
biker, the Norman Rockwell’s, but underneath all the facades is there any
weight, any depth, any honor? How does one learn of honor anyway?
The best way for a child to learn to honor is
from parents that have chosen to honor each other. The father for good or
bad, teaches every child how to value their mother. The mother for good or
bad, teaches them how to value their father. What happens when a child learns
how to honor at home? The boy or girl will view people differently because of
honor. If honor was not the foundation of the home he or she grew up in- if the father and mother did not honor, but
instead discounted the value of each other and of their children, the result will be a person who does not know
the power or reality of honor in life.
Those “10 Realities”
speak of this honor. When we learn the first four realities, we learn the value
of honor, of the weight of the love for Yahoveh, and His love of us. Honor
opens the door of our hearts to all relationships, family, friends, but
especially the Father and Son.
If
we have not honor, we lose the foundation of our very lives.
Our Western culture lives in opposition to
Yahvey’s ways, as it focuses on the individual. The Kingdom of God is a kingdom
of relationship and value. The concept of the Fifth Mitzvot gives us the
understanding of value, of honor. The concept of honoring fathers and mothers
is a Kingdom concept. Regardless of our situation, good home, or broken home,
if we leave behind the wreckage and embrace the Kingdom concept, the promise of
the blessings of God begin here…“…that you may live long in the land…”
So we must begin here, not as a woven
beautiful tapestry, but of a patch work quilt. Our family, your family, may be separated
by time, distance and circumstance, but what will hold us together is the quilt…
The quilt doesn’t start out as small threads
woven together, it starts out as small pieces, some worn, some new. Yet these
pieces already are threaded together as one little whole, for isn’t that what
we truly are, the sum of all our experiences?
Our mothers and fathers came together and knit their stories into one,
and one by one, we were added to the quilt. As we joined with another, we added
more pieces together and the quilt grew. What holds the quilt together is the
threads of honor, the threads that we tell one another, the memories we have,
the stories we will share, the faded pictures, the treasured mementoes, the
patch here and there for yes, sometimes the quilt gets torn, but honor patches
it together again. The quilt has weight; the quilt has value; the quilt has
depth; the quilt has warmth. Maybe it
isn’t as artful as the woven tapestry, but it is infinitely more beautiful, for
in the honor it is sewn in, love forms the three-fold cord that can never be
broken. The quilt is a kingdom concept: the quilt is family, is mishpacha.
Allan and Neal are permanent parts to our
quilt. Our memories will add to its fabric, and its weight and value. We honor
them as they honored each of us, no matter how removed we may have been or
seemed, their lives and stories belong to us and to kvod Shamayim, the glory of Heaven. Our quilt will never
be finished; there are more stories to tell, more tears to be shed, more
patches to add, yet if we remember Kavod, all these will only
strengthen our bonds and a stronger family will emerge. If we hold to those 10
realities, especially the first four, then there is nothing that can separate us
as mishpacha. Honor begins here, in the understanding that Elohim is the Reality,
and if I understand that, I can turn away from that which is false, I can
understand and place value upon His Name; I can rest in His peace and Sabbath
which allows me to honor…
And From there
everything changes.
Wherever you are, whoever you are, sew your quilt.
Sew it with tears if you must, but sew it with honor.
May Yahvey Elohim
richly bless all today, and hold all who mourn in His loving hands
Amein.
[1] From the
article “Honor Sets the Stage” by Debbie Greenblatt, Sept 14, 2011, in Mishpacha- Jewish Family Weekly, http://www.mishpacha.com/Browse/Article/1426/Honor-Sets-the-Stage
